Tuesday, March 11, 2008

No TV for the Past Decade!

I must be one of the few people in Chicago without a television. How’s that for weird, strange or just plain out of touch? How will I know if a nuclear bomb has exploded or what Nick Lachey’s girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo is wearing today?

You’re right I won’t know. My body will be fried before I even know what hits me. That’s life. Quite honestly that’s a better way to go. One minute I’m on earth. Pouff! The next my body is exploded into a million bits and I don’t know where the heck I am. But I’m not sure a television set would prevent the actual explosion just the knowledge thereof.

At least with Vanessa’s dress I could probably find an image online the next day. So seeing the actual garment real-time is A-OK with me as long I get to study it on People, the pages of Lifestyles Weekly or some other such rag.

But I’ve been TV-less for 10 years. I’m not trying to make a political statement. I’m not even anti-TV. I don’t even belong to a religious sect that forbids watching that little box with moving images. I’m just lazy. Really plain and simple and embarrassing too.

You see, the little black and white TV that I had since college started smokin’ sometime during a segment where Al Gore was complaining about the election results. Now, Al could have been so mad at Bush that there really was smoke emanating from my television set, but I think the electronics in this machine were cooked. I smell something worst than my morning toast burning. I quickly unplugged the TV, and got rid of it shortly thereafter.

A part of me got unplugged in the process. No more John Tesh or even his replacement twin Bob Golan on Entertainment Tonight. I was hooked on Seinfeld and Friends at the time. No more, prime-time television shows. Now what was I going to do during the evening? Count the cracks in my ceiling? Sweep cobwebs because I’m bored out of my skull?

No, I didn’t do either. I was just got busy. Either talking on the phone or going out. I was able to catch up on my sleep. Getting rid of the television for that reason alone has been worth it! It was odd not having a TV to turn on at 6 p.m. but after a while I got used to it. I didn’t miss John Tesh or Jennifer Aniston. There haven’t been any good shows since 1998 anyhow unless you want to count Project Runway and that’s not even a conventional show.

I think about getting a television set again. I want to watch Project Runway in my home not in a bar surrounded by smokers.* I want to see Tim Gunn’s new show. I don’t care about Grey’s Anatomy, although I’m certain I would get hooked on the new dance shows since I love to lindy-hop. i don’t even care about Entertainment Tonight since it’s been so long since I broke my habit of watching that show.

But I worry I might get too sedentary with my new acquisition. I might get fat sitting on the couch, Doritos in my mouth and hands. I might start smoking. I might start getting anxious about world events, watching Katie Couric giving us the latest lowdown on Iraq, global warming, and what not. I know terrible things are going on in the world, but I really rather not know the details. Headlines are fine. Let’s just get on to the funny stuff, which is partly why my computer browser’s home page is happynews.com. I much rather read about Prince William’s girlfriend or how this season’s Fashion Week will be different than the past. They say Ignorance is Bliss, and I’m here to tell you it’s true. So don’t ask me any hard questions about the news because I honestly won’t know enough to give you an answer.

I feel sorry for people who have TVs, flat-screen or otherwise. If your toys can’t make you happy why bother?

* this was written before the ban on smoking went into effect this year in Chicago's bars. Now I can happily knit and drink my Guinness while I'm out on the town without having to worry about using Febreeze when I get home.

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